The Wrong Similie

O: Can I go to the bathroom?
Me: Do you have a bathroom pass?
O: But your eyes! Your eyes are as blue as the deep blue ocean.
Me: You still need a pass. And your sucking up doesn't even make sense because I have brown eyes.
O: Oops, I mean, your eyes are as brown as the stain on my--
Me: That's supposed to flatter me?
O: Wait! I wasn't going to say 'underwear'!

The Next Fox News Anchor

I know teachers aren't supposed to have favorites, but N. happens to be one of mine. He has an unbelievably quick and sharp wit. I know I can always count on him for a perfectly-timed smart remark.

The other day he was working on homework in my room after school and was whining about not wanting to do the problems and arguing (in a nice way) about why they weren't worth doing. He turned to the ludicrous circular logic he so adores, and this conversation ensued.

Me: You should work for Fox News. 

N: I bet at Fox News they don't have to do math. 

Me: Very true. 

N: They just have to tell it like it is. They just have to appeal to the lowest common denominator. 

Me: This is an incredible conversation. I'm writing this down. 

N: Can you send it to Fox NewsCorp? And see if they'll give me a job. My news show is going to be called "The Voice of Reason". I'll be like "Good morning, America. The other day I was walking down the street and saw some liberals protesting, asking for rights. You want rights? You can get right out that door!"

Seriously, he could get a job there.