The Purple Binder

Yesterday a couple of students came into my class, saying they had been sent by their teacher to retrieve his Purple Binder. It took me a second--the only binder I'd borrowed from that teacher was a binder he probably wouldn't need, especially not in the middle of class. Then I remembered what the Purple Binder contains: the greatest classroom management strategy in the world.

You know those days when kids are getting really squirrely and annoying and you wish you could just send them to run laps? Often on those days the kids aren't doing anything completely out of line, so turning their behavior into a discipline issue or kicking students out of class would just make everything explode. You want to avoid a negative interaction for your own sanity and theirs. Enter the Purple Binder. Kids love running errands for their teachers, so pick the 1-2 of the most annoying kids and ask them to go to Ms. _____'s room to see if she has your Purple Binder. Ms. _____ tells them, sorry, she doesn't have the Purple Binder. She thinks she gave it to Mr. _______ (who happens to teach all the way across the school). Turns out Mr. _____ doesn't have it either--he is sure that he gave it to someone else. After traipsing back and forth across the school a couple of times, the kids will probably give up, but in the meantime they will have burned off all their energy. And they will never know that the Purple Binder does not actually exist.

Bonus: getting a Purple Binder visit makes my day. Maybe it's mean, but I love seeing how confused/exasperated kids get when I send them to yet another classroom on a wild goose chase.

The Wrong Similie

O: Can I go to the bathroom?
Me: Do you have a bathroom pass?
O: But your eyes! Your eyes are as blue as the deep blue ocean.
Me: You still need a pass. And your sucking up doesn't even make sense because I have brown eyes.
O: Oops, I mean, your eyes are as brown as the stain on my--
Me: That's supposed to flatter me?
O: Wait! I wasn't going to say 'underwear'!

The Next Fox News Anchor

I know teachers aren't supposed to have favorites, but N. happens to be one of mine. He has an unbelievably quick and sharp wit. I know I can always count on him for a perfectly-timed smart remark.

The other day he was working on homework in my room after school and was whining about not wanting to do the problems and arguing (in a nice way) about why they weren't worth doing. He turned to the ludicrous circular logic he so adores, and this conversation ensued.

Me: You should work for Fox News. 

N: I bet at Fox News they don't have to do math. 

Me: Very true. 

N: They just have to tell it like it is. They just have to appeal to the lowest common denominator. 

Me: This is an incredible conversation. I'm writing this down. 

N: Can you send it to Fox NewsCorp? And see if they'll give me a job. My news show is going to be called "The Voice of Reason". I'll be like "Good morning, America. The other day I was walking down the street and saw some liberals protesting, asking for rights. You want rights? You can get right out that door!"

Seriously, he could get a job there. 

I choose C.

This video is so out-of-touch. The other day I overheard a group of principals talking about how "A" is the new "C" for multiple choice tests. This girl should choose A.

I am teaching full-on CAHSEE prep right now. It is the worst teaching I have ever done. And this is what it will lead to.

At least one kid got it

From the one student's "About the Author" section of a recent project in my class:

"I am the type of person who doesn't typically ask questions when I am confused on the subject, however, after doing this certification [project], I learned that sitting there and copying things off the board doesn't help me learn and I would always not understand things that we were learning. So, I started asking questions when I didn't understand something and I feel like that's what everyone who is confused should do because when they don't understand something and just sits there copying what the teacher tells them, it's not going to help them learn anything when it comes to something that is in the real world."


From another kid's "About the Author" section:

"I want the world to know that im a cool person and that im a boss. I want respect from a lot of people. I want everybody to pay me cash and give me awesome things. I want all the ladies to love me."


(Obviously, sic)

Thoughts from Ann Arbor

In no particular order:

"There is a lot of neon along I-94."
"This grocery store has so many preservatives."
"Since when did girls wear tube dresses to Charley's? In my day we saved 'dressing up' for Rick's."
"Do I pick up a Michigan accent when I'm back here?"
"I'm glad I went to college in the era when dressing up meant black pants and a tank top."
"Is that a typo or is beer really that cheap?"
"Since when did Really Hot Guy From High School become Super Hot Guy From Wharton?"
"There are a lot of white people here."
"French fries and ranch: a trend that should spread west."
"No, really. I can count 26 people from where I'm standing and three are not white."
"Conor O'Neils: still undeserving of its prime spot on Main Street."
"NYPD pizza: still amazing."
"If I had to guess, I'd predict that NYPD chicken rolls are less delicious prior to 3am. Good thing I will probably never find out."
"Michiganders really do drive better than Californians."
"Was 30 degrees always this cold?"
"I miss mile marker signs on the freeways."

"So many people in crew neck sweatshirts, mom jeans and sneakers. Male and female."
"So many strip malls."
"Pizza and ranch: also worth spreading."
"Freeways here are dark. And have very few lanes."
"I picked good friends in high school and college. Still blows me away."
"There are a lot of billboards on I-94 for injury lawyers,"

Hashtag

I've gotten into the habit of ending every test/quiz with the question "What do you want your teacher to know about how you're feeling right now?" It brings out some good responses that I think kids might be willing to say out loud or approach me with in person.

Yesterday a girl concluded her response to this question with "#justsaying." I hope this means she's tweeting about geometry class. I hope it doesn't mean she's trying to do every math problem in under 140 characters.