Gay A's

Today after school I was helping some of the 10th graders on Algebra 2. I spent a long time with A., one of my former students, working on revising his final exam. A. has more than a few mathematical difficulties, especially when it comes to the grunt work of math problems. He understands concepts fairly well, but has a terrible time with calculations and simplification. Other relevant things to know about A. are that he's gay and hilarious. Less relevant (but still awesome) things are that he has bright red hair and frequently wears bright red pants. Just in case you were wondering.

Today was no exception on the hilarity. First, as we were correcting his mistakes, he could do most of the problems without much difficulty. He definitely gets stressed out during tests, which, coupled with his frequent calculation errors, leads to low scores. I was coaching him on how to calm down and slow down so he doesn't make so many minor errors.
A: "I need to figure out how to calm down before math tests. I think I need to take like half a percoset."
Me: "Umm... let's think of something else. Breathing exercises?"
A: "I need to take one of those classes for women who are going to have a baby."
Me: "You should definitely take a Lamaze class to help with your math tests."
A: "I would, like, birth numbers right out on to the page."
Me: "That mental picture is making me uncomfortable... How about yoga?"
A: "I don't do yoga.  Ms. L, you see how tight my pants are.  They would like rip open!"

Later on A.'s teacher was re-calculating his new grade based on re-doing some of the problems.  I was super-impressed that he ended the semester with an 89%, especially given that I'm pretty sure he never got higher than a B in my class.
Me: "I'm so proud of you!"
A: "Oh no, Algebra 2 is my only B. I only want A's. A for A________. Thank god my parents didn't name me Francisco."
Me: "You should be proud of your 89. Algebra 2 is one of the hardest classes in the school. An 89 is awesome."
A: "No, I want all A's. Gay A's. Not straight A's. Gay A's."